Jul 24 2009
A Small Victory in the Battle Against Temper Tantrums!
In the course I recently took on Sensory Integration and Behaviour, one of the first things they taught us was that if the behaviour is not hurting anyone or dangerous to the child, then the best thing to do is ignore it. The reason behind this is that many times, the child is seeking attention, whether it be positive or negative. I had the chance to put this into practice sooner than I had expected.
We have always had a rule that when we cross the street or walk in a parking lot, the children have to hold a grownup’s hand. Nothing unusual about that rule, I’m sure. Towards the end of the school year, B started to refuse to hold hands. She would hold her arms tight against her chest so that we couldn’t grasp her wrist or any part of her arm. If we tried to, she’d start screaming, throwing herself down, etc. I couldn’t let her just walk across without holding hands because this would teach her that all she had to do was start screaming and I’d give in. Instead, I just picked her up, facing away from me so it was harder for her to kick me (and trust me, she tried). When we got across the road, I’d put her back down just like nothing had happened. I ignored her kicking and screaming and basically tried to give the impression that it didn’t bother me.
Now, nothing happened overnight. The next few times we crossed the road, we had the same battle. I always started with “We hold hands to cross the road.” And if B refused to give me her hand, she was picked up and carried across the road. The good news is that we’ve gotten past that now. Now when we approach the corner, B lifts her hand up to take mine! She knows she’s going to cross the road on her own or kicking and screaming and she’d rather cross under her own power. I usually thank her for holding my hand and once in awhile, she will keep hold of my hand even after we’ve crossed.
It’s a small victory to be sure, but I now know that ignoring in this case works very well. It’s not easy to put into practice because my first reaction is often to express disappointment or frustration. It’s taken a bit to get used to letting things go that I wouldn’t normally let go, but I’m finding that when I am able to ignore, the behaviour stops sooner and we can get back to enjoying our time together.
